


At my fingertips

by nerakrose



Category: Havemercy Series - Jaida Jones & Danielle Bennett
Genre: F/M, Fluff, courting, proposing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-12
Updated: 2012-08-12
Packaged: 2017-11-12 00:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/484627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerakrose/pseuds/nerakrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kalim came to Thremedon sooner than expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At my fingertips

**Author's Note:**

> Betaed by inside_the_veil, mrs_jack_turner and xspitefulangelx, neither of whom are in this fandom. <3

He'd said he'd come, so she was not surprised. She wasn't unprepared either - or perhaps she was, a little. He'd come too soon, a lot earlier than she'd expected, and she'd not been ready to deal with him and his proposal just yet. But that was Kalim for you, impulsive and strong-willed and outgoing; if there was no reason to _wait_ , he wouldn't.

She fixed some folds in her skirt to buy some time.

"So you kept your word," she said softly.

Kalim stood proud before her, tall and dark, with a light sparkling in his eyes. He'd brought the desert with him; she could smell it on him. If she closed her eyes she could even imagine she could smell the heat.

"I've come to make you my wife," he said, "if you will let me."

"If I would let you!" She shook her head. "I would, if circumstances were different."

There was a short pause in which Kalim merely observed her. Malahide had perhaps never been as conscious of her body, of her looks, than she was now. Her nose was slightly too big, yes, but that wasn't a problem in itself. It was rather that it accentuated her boyish looks; drew attention to her skinny, straight frame, so woefully lacking in curves - in fact, the only femininity she possessed, she had carefully cultivated. She knew she didn't look the way most women did. It didn't use to bother her much - after all, she wasn't ever going to let herself get entangled with romance, so it mattered little, and her androgyny only helped her in her work. She might've made a place for herself amongst women, but sometimes a male disguise was what would unlock that last door she needed. If she could pass as a woman, and she did, then that was all that really mattered.

"I cannot bear your children," Malahide finally said.

Kalim grinned, as if she'd just said something amusing, something charming. "I don't need your children. If that is your only issue, my love, then it is a non-issue. I have - I have a son and daughter already." He tipped his head to her. "Their mother has unfortunately left this world already."

There was definitely sorrow in his voice. Malahide swallowed hard. So he was a widower; free to re-marry, and could likely choose whoever he wanted, if he'd already fulfilled his princely duty.

That was all very well and good, she thought, but -

But what? She hardened her jaw, knowing it made her look particularly unattractive. "Kalim, you must understand - what you came to understand in the desert - you know who I am? What I am?"

"I do know." He looked her in the eye. Unwavering.

Time to be crude.

"So you know I wasn't born a woman," she stated, making a sweeping hand move, encompassing herself. "The story behind my transformation is complicated."

"I would like to hear it someday."

"It was not a complete transformation." Malahide sucked in a breath. "It was merely cosmetic - albeit somewhat lacking, perhaps - dear. I have -" She gestured at her crotch. "I still have the reproductive organs of a man."

She could feel her cheeks redden, but she stood her ground. It was more than anyone else knew about her, more than she ever thought she'd admit to another human being, and while she was ready to kill Kalim in the desert for the knowledge - well, actually, she would still have to kill him. She'd revealed her final weapon, the last bastion to her self-preservation, the one hindrance that would surely keep him away. If Kalim didn't want her after this, she understood. She expected it. And he would not leave this room alive.

Kalim was looking at her thoughtfully. "Do you still feel pleasure?" he asked.

"What - I -" She sputtered. "You can't ask me that!"

"I apologise." He bowed his head. "I merely wished to ascertain that there would be nothing in the way - that I would be able to pleasure you in spite of your condition."

Malahide was struck silent. Her eyes were also wide as saucers and her fingers were trembling. She tightened them in her skirt.

"I do not mean to offend you," Kalim said, still as sure of himself as ever. It was only Malahide who was feeling rattled. "I am quite intent on making you my wife. I need only your consent."

"But..." She cleared her throat. It was habit by now, even if she did not strictly need it. "I.." She drew in a deep breath. The truth was, she _did_ feel pleasure, if she was so inclined - she never partook in that kind of activity with another person, of course, but she was...functional, for lack of a better word.

It was only her fear holding her back now. Kalim had made it clear he wanted her despite everything.

"I'm afraid," she admitted, looking him in the eye. "I do not have romantic relationships. It's utterly foreign to me, and with my somewhat...unique predicament, I hope you understand why I'm reluctant to accept your offer."

"You need not worry." Kalim stepped closer and took her hands in his. She had delicate hands, which was something she'd always liked about herself. "You are beautiful to me. You are a fierce, strong woman. You are skilled, kind and fair. You have a good heart. What do I care if you have a cock in place of a cunt?" The light in his eyes danced in merriment. He was being deliberately crude, likely in an attempt to shock her, but language couldn't shake her - not someone who'd been in and around the lower parts of society the way she had. "I want you. It is that simple."

"But I also don't have a tongue," she blurted, and then Kalim laughed; his head thrown back and his chest bubbling with warm laughter.

"That, I know," he said.

"You're not making this easy for me," Malahide told him.

He kissed her brow, which surprised her; he'd not been that gentle with her in the desert. "I will be in Volstov for a month. I hope you can find in yourself an answer for me before I must return to my home."

"Tomorrow," she said. "I'll have my answer then."

She was still afraid, but she had known her answer for a long time. She'd only needed to be sure, to weigh the consequences - again - and be _sure_. Be sure that she really wanted this, that it wasn't just a flight of fancy, wishful thinking - jumping in the arms of the first person who wanted her. There was logic; she'd do well in the desert, there'd been no doubt about that. She could use her skill, she could study - she'd yet to learn the desert languages, the cultures, and she quietly berated herself for not starting sooner.

It was only Kalim who'd...threatened her composure; who'd found out, who had the whole truth, and _still_ wanted her, that had held her back. Because she didn't do romance, she didn't do relationships. There was Dmitri, her old friend, there was th'Esar, her boss, there were countless business relations, people she used for her own means and ends. But no one she'd ever let close. No one she'd ever _wanted_ to let close.

And there was Kalim, whom she didn't want to _use_ , who was tall and handsome and wanted her, who had kind eyes and a quick wit - yes, she was attracted to him.

"Then I will return tomorrow." And then, unexpectedly - and yet? - he picked her up and kissed her thoroughly, reminding her of the desert, of how he'd swept her off her feet then, covered in dust and sweat, victorious. This time she didn't shriek.


End file.
